When Success Stops Making Sense
Sometimes, Reality just Refuses to Cooperate
We’ve all been there at some point in our lives.
The thing we set out to accomplish doesn’t turn out the way we envisioned it. On the face of it, it can seem unfortunate; mainly because it reveals a particular kind of failure most of us are never taught how to handle when it comes our way. I think much of the reason for that lack of preparation is a result of the dearth of people who even want to approach the topic of failure at this angle. I don’t blame them.
This failure doesn’t arise out of laziness, poor planning, or lack of effort. It’s the kind that arrives when circumstances change so completely that the original goal, no matter how noble or well-intended, can no longer be accomplished.
When that happens, people don’t just lose momentum.
They lose clarity.
And often, they lose themselves.
Years ago, I found myself in that exact place. On paper and externally, my life looked stable. However, in reality, my relationships were fraying, my direction felt muddled, and the definition of “success” I’d been pursuing no longer fit the life I was actually living.
What unsettled me most wasn’t failure itself, it was the fear attached to it. It was unnerving that a word like that had power over my thinking, my decisions, and my willingness to speak honestly about what was no longer working.
The Hidden Power of Words
Words like failure and success aren’t neutral.
They shape how we interpret reality, and whether we’re willing to face it.
When we treat failure as a curse word, we avoid naming it.
When we worship success as an outcome, we cling to our goals long after they’ve stopped reflecting the truth.
That avoidance doesn’t just distort our thinking. It distorts our communication with ourselves and with others.
When the Goal Must Change
One of the most profound leadership stories I’ve ever studied is that of Sir Ernest Shackleton.
Shackleton set out to cross Antarctica. He failed to get his ship to land to even begin that part of the journey. It was when his ship became trapped in ice and the environment turned hostile, Shackleton recognized something much more important than becoming the first man to lead a Trans-Antarctic expedition. That original goal no longer mattered.
Survival did.
Responsibility did.
Reality did.
So Shackleton redefined success to him.
Success was no longer measured as his personal achievement crossing Antarctica, but as bringing every man home alive.
That decision wasn’t weakness.
It was clarity.
Depending on your perspective, it might have been the harder decision to have made; but he did, and every man came home alive.
Clarity Requires Honest Naming
What Shackleton demonstrated was the courage to name reality as it is, not as he wished it to be. Have you ever struggled with that concept?
This applies far beyond expeditions.
It can apply to:
Career choices that no inspire or excite
Relationships that evolve into something unrecognizable from their original form
Personal and professional missions that once made sense but no longer align with truth.
Avoiding confronting this reality doesn’t preserve peace.
It erodes it.
A Different Measure of Success
Make no mistake, I’m not advocating giving up on meaningful goals; actually, my objective is quite the opposite. I just no longer believe success is defined solely by arriving at a predetermined destination and that you must stick with the path to that destination without taking in the changing environment as you head in that direction.
I believe a deeper form of success is found in:
alignment with reality
honesty in communication
and the peace that comes from no longer fighting what is true.
When we learn to communicate truthfully, first within ourselves, and then with others, failure loses its power to paralyze us, and success loses the power to deceive us.
Peace becomes possible.
Connection deepens.
Clarity returns.
A Final Invitation
If you find yourself clinging to a goal that no longer fits the life you’re living, don’t rush to label that as failure.
Ask instead:
What is reality asking of me now?
What truth needs to be named?
What conversation have I been avoiding?
Often, transformation begins not with persistence, but with honesty.
If you or leaders in your organization like what I’m sharing, that’s great! Feel free to pass it along.
I help organizations and individuals develop improved communication skills that can lead to positive transformation and less conflict.
If you’re interested in working with me or you know someone who might be interested in working with me, feel free to reach out.